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Author Topic: Chinchilla problem - More family related  (Read 4141 times)

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shadowborne

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Chinchilla problem - More family related
« on: January 21, 2008, 04:20:55 PM »

I have mentioned my father in several other posts but I need help making him see what he is doing because he isn't listening to me or my mother. Amy and Silver are in his room, Amy has been in his room since we got her but I go in and see her. Everything was OK till a few weeks ago when he decided he was going to pick her up whether she wanted it or not. He chased her around the cage till he caught her, getting her to pee on him in the process. He laughs as he does it and when he catch's her she shakes, and still does it. She has slowly started to dislike me also and I worry that she is viewing his actions as ones I do. I have picked her up twice but after she out and literally climbed up my shirt a bit. He says he will stop doing it but then picks it up a few days later and I really need help because I worry that she will be scared forever.

She still kind of stomps her way into my feet but will run from my hand if I move it beside her and bit pretty hard twice today while I was scratching around her ears, which she has never done. When my father opens the door and sometimes when he gets near she starts barking at him and if he moves his hand close to her she gets up like she is preparing to pee and if he continues she will on him which makes him grab her.

I don't want to have to get rid of her but if I have to I want her to go to a good home, she is the sweetest thing in the world. I want something that either I can hand to him or make him read so he knows what he is doing is traumatizing her. Please, any help would be appreciated.

Thank you.
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Jenova

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2008, 04:31:09 PM »

I know one of the other members will write a much better explanation than me but I just wanted to lend my support to you. What he is doing is wrong. It is animal cruelty because he's traumatising her. My opinion is move the cage. Move it into your bedroom if you can so she is out of the way. I wish you all the best of luck but I just don't know what to say. ::scaredspeachless::

Beth

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2008, 04:37:56 PM »

Oh gosh that's terrible!  I'm sure one of the senior members can write a good summary for you about how traumatizing your father's actions are for your chin.  I presume you've tried just talking to him about it (tears are good -- always makes my Dad melt...) and are at the end of your rope.  Until someone (please, soon!) writes something to print out and show him, keep close to your chin and him as far away as possible.  Just a thought -- Is is possible to get a small key lock (like you use for luggage) to put on the cage door?  He wouldn't go as far as breaking it, would he?

GOOD LUCK AND STAY IN TOUCH! :-[
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Abby W.

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2008, 04:40:00 PM »

I agree.  Urinating is a clear defense mechanism.  She is saying "Stay away!  You're scaring me!"  She will never come to trust your father or you if he continues to force her to be held when she is clearly not ready for that.
Also, what he is doing is potentially VERY dangerous!  Chinchillas have a floating ribcage, which means the bottom of the rib cage is open, not attached to anything.  I would  be willing to bet money your father is squeezing her around the midsection when he grabs at her.  This could easily break one of her ribs and puncture a lung, which would cause her to die a slow and very painful death.  PLEASE have him read this.  If he is going to keep this chinchilla in the house he MUST be willing to let her learn to trust him on her own time.  He will never gain her trust the way he is doing things now. Every time he grabs at her he is scaring her.  It would be better to place the chinchilla in someone else's home than allow her to live a life of terror.
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nemue

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2008, 08:23:37 PM »

Here's what I would do:  I don't think this is a chin problem, but a people problem that involves chins. 

Whatever your normal relationship with your Dad is, I would put that aside for the sake of your chin.  She needs you to step up and be more of a grown up than your Dad, adn that means finding out how your dad needs to hear it.  He may just feel what your saying is normal kid stuff, he might have and ego and think he knows best.  Which is kinda what it sounds like, but I wouldn't know for sure.  I would do a ton of research and print off articles for him.  Have it in a stack and ready to give it to him. Make sure you have a list for him of all the bad things that are happening when he's doing this:

1.  He could break a rib and cause pneumothorax (punctured lung)
2.  She will pee on him
3.  She will become frightened of you and him
4.  She needs six months to come around
5.  She may never want to be held (just like some humans don't)
6.  this kind of behaviour will cause fur slip, which is a sign of severe distress (and a defense mechanism, meaning they see him as danger)
7.   they are prey animals and need time to build trust, and he's not helping.

I'm sure there's more which you can add. 

Now, don't approach him with the knowledge that you know better.  People don't respond to that, they get their backs up adn their ego gets in the way.  MOst people don't want to be told what they're doing is wrong.  So, ask in a very non-blaming way why he's doing what he's doing.  He probably has a big theory and thinks he's helping.  So, after he has his rant (let him talk himself out and ask lots of non-blaming questions) gently point out what you know, and provide articles and data.  Ask him if he could kindly do the same for his theory.  He can't, but don't tell him you know that.  Just let him do the research.  If he can't back it up, the ask him to stop.  If he does find something, then you can find a better counter argument.  AS someone who followed advice to do that to my Kira, I would't recommend it.  She just needed a wheel, not torture. 

This conversation is up to you, and how you approach him.  Don't have attitude.  You must leave all this behind for the sake of your chin.  Check out this website http://www.cnvc.org/  IT's about nonviolent communication, which is difficult.  but there are ways to say what you need without upsetting the person you're expressing yourself to.  the sentences they teach go:  "when you _____, I feel ______"  Ie.  When you grab Amy I feel hurt and worried that she's going to be terrified."  (don't add because you did __________) Maybe get your mom involved.  She probably knows ways to win over your dad. 

If this doesn't work I would suggest the family takes a trip to the vet with a secret call ahead of time to reprimand dad for his behavour.  Some will do this, and if he doesn't listen to you, he will listen to someone with higher authority. 


I also like the lock idea if all else fail. 

good luck, I hope this helps!  Keep us posted
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Billydkd

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2008, 09:39:48 PM »

I agree.  Urinating is a clear defense mechanism.  She is saying "Stay away!  You're scaring me!"  She will never come to trust your father or you if he continues to force her to be held when she is clearly not ready for that.
Also, what he is doing is potentially VERY dangerous!  Chinchillas have a floating ribcage, which means the bottom of the rib cage is open, not attached to anything.  I would  be willing to bet money your father is squeezing her around the midsection when he grabs at her.  This could easily break one of her ribs and puncture a lung, which would cause her to die a slow and very painful death.  PLEASE have him read this.  If he is going to keep this chinchilla in the house he MUST be willing to let her learn to trust him on her own time.  He will never gain her trust the way he is doing things now. Every time he grabs at her he is scaring her.  It would be better to place the chinchilla in someone else's home than allow her to live a life of terror.

I agree also watch for fur chewing.  Also agree the chins need a new home where this will not happen. 
« Last Edit: January 21, 2008, 09:42:09 PM by Billydkd »
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Billy

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2008, 01:04:12 PM »

 ::clapp::
Well said all.
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shadowborne

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2008, 02:13:52 PM »

Well that plan backfired. I wasn't home when my mother talked to him and now he refuses to acknowledge her at all, outright ignores her, says a rodent isn't worth breaking the family up over and if Silver doesn't take accept her he is going to get rid of her since she is breaking up the family. He has taken everything said and has blown it way out of proportion and says very little to me now like it's all my fault. *sigh* Going to continue to work with her, Silver pulled out a mouth full of fur last night but working with them and hope he gets over his little fit sometime soon.
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Beth

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2008, 04:17:48 PM »

Whew, that sounds really tense.  If your father's already mad at you, can you just ask your Mom to move the cage into your room?  That way he doesn't even have to see the chins.  Maybe seeing them will just make him more angry, and you don't want him to take it out on them (or you!).  Have you let your Mom read these posts?  We're all very concerned.  But keep up the good work, if you don't stick up for the chinnies well being, who will?  Good luck and keep us posted. 
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ChillinChinchillas

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2008, 04:46:52 PM »

It seems like he has made one good point, though. A pet should not cause problems in the family, it should be a welcomed addition. The chin will never come around in a tense situation. If the situation does not get better, I would try to find a chin rescue. You should not be made to feel like any of that is your fault. Your father is an adult and should be able to take responsibility for his own actions.  :'(
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nemue

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Re: Chinchilla problem - More family related
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2008, 06:24:53 PM »

Wow, that's a shocker.  I hope your dad comes around.  It is a bad situation for Amy, but so would giving her up.  Poor thing.  Maybe your dad is hurt.  He probably thought he was helping and maybe feels he's being attacked?  I have a family memeber like this, and really there isn't much you can do.  But sincerity might help.  Letting him know he's still loved and you don't want to "break up the family."  You're just concerned for your chin who needs some time to adjust. 

Good luck, I hope it all works out once he's calmed down.

Keep us posted.   :(
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